She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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