Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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