At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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