ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
