definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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