I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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