Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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