I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
