I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
