If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
