I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
