i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
