My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We just shotgunned beers for America
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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