Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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