I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
