My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
