you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
