the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
