I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
