well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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