Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
