You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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