I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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