he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
