That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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