Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
