you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
