I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
