I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
