I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
