when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
