Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
