So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
