I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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