Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
