So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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