I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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