i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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