Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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