peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
