Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do herpes really smell.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
