I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
