Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
