I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
