Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
