I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
