My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
