she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
