Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
