Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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