Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
