There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I faked an abortion last night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
