I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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